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Dear Daisy, It is your first day at school...

Your pity isn't wanted...

A bit of a ranty post today I am afraid.

I am fed up of people giving me their pity, because I work. It has been mentioned a few times over the past few months, only in passing conversation but usually from people that don't really know me or anything about our situation. Yesterday a comment along the lines of "Oh you work, what a pity, that is such a shame" came my way. I put on a brave face, nodded and said well I work for many reasons and I am privileged that I still get to see my baby a lot.

What she doesn't know is that I work from home a few days a week so I get to take her to nursery, pick her up, have a few hours with her to play and cuddle etc. Precious times that I know some mums don't get and actually I don't get some days when I am out at meetings or in the office in London. But to say that perhaps to a mum who has to be away from her baby a lot, do you not think she doesn't realise that??!

 What she also doesn't know is that I send Daisy to nursery for socialisation and development reasons, they can give her experiences that I can't always give her. She gets to follow other children lead and learn things that she can't get from us or the dog! As much as we pretend he is her brother!(a big, stinky, hair brother I know!) She gets to have a sense of independence and as sad as it is socialise without her mummy and daddy watching over her.

 She also didn't know that she goes to family twice a week. On a Friday she goes to her grandparents to be spoilt rotten and bond with them and then usually she goes to one of her aunties for half a day. All so important for building relationships, and if I could have my nephew or niece for a few hours every week I would. Family is important to me and always will be. I was brought up (as was my husband) in a close family environment and we want Daisy to have that time too.

 And again she doesn't know this but I actually want adult conversation, and to engage my brain in something a little more challenging from time time. Looking after a baby is a different kind of challenge, neither more difficult than the other but different all the same. It is actually not a bad thing to dress up nice, go to work, drink hot cups of tea and engage in something different for a while. By a while I mean a few hours, then I want to be back with my baby. She also doesn't understand how difficult it is for me to leave her in a morning, sometimes while Daisy is still snoozing. So for her to pass judgement is unfair.

Then there is the financial side. How does she know I don't HAVE to work to keep us fed and watered? Maybe that isn't the case, but we still want a lifestyle where money isn't tight and a constant worry. But for others it will be a necessity. So please don't give others your pity and say "oh its a shame". It can be hard when people pass these comments on at times, because you don't know the reasons behind it! I mean this generically and not just personally obviously.

 So lady, who doesn't know me in the slightest, don't give me your pity! I choose to do what I do and that is that!

 Lots of love, Hayley xxx


  1. Well said, Hayley. :) I would've been angry too had somebody said that to me.

    I get annoyed when people say "I'm lucky" because I'm sahm. It's not luck - I gave up a job, which I often miss, to be at home. It's also not 'luck' because my OH goes to works everyday and works extremely hard to provide for us. Luck has nothing to do with it. I wish people would think before they speak.

    Jenna at Tinyfootsteps xx

    1. That's exactly it, it's not luck at all! It was your decision to do that and would have had to make sacrifices to do that! Just like me going to work! :) xxxx