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Dear Daisy, It is your first day at school...

The countdown

Be warned this is probably going to be one of those over emotional, whingey posts that I write from time to time. But hey I'm going to write it anyway...

So I have two weeks to go, in fact less than two weeks now. Until I go back to work. Except I'll be returning as a mum.

You might think and what? Lots of women and (gents of course) who are parents go to work every single day. But this muma is yet to try this out! 

I feel quite anxious about it and I think part of it is down to going back to a brand new job, although I do know that I feel better about this than returning to my old one. There wasn't anything wrong with the old one really just how the role would now sit with my home life, I've had to make some changes to fit in around my favourite times of the day, morning snuggles and bath time etc. Or at least try to anyway. 

I'm sat writing this at 4am because Daisy has a bit of wind we need to shift before she drifts back off. I would usually be losing my patience slightly by now but today I'm feeling a little careless about the lack of sleep and instead savouring the moment when I don't need to worry about driving miles and entertaining a client in a few hours. Instead I'm cherishing those cute little smiles that keep looking up at me (she is so cheeky!), even the little scratches I'm getting as she runs her tiny fingers over my face and chest are making me smile and I feel so lucky. 

It's now no longer a ridiculous time in the morning but the next evening. You'll be pleased to know the wind passed quickly and we were all back to sleep in no time. 

Back to the post. So the point of this was that I've been thinking and wondering what I'll be like on the return to work. I'll be professional and do my best at all I do but will my standards be as high? Will I not be thinking about getting back to my baby and how I'm going to teach her to say dada and mama, how to army crawl across the floor and how to actually swallow meat rather than letting it sit on her tongue for ten minutes? Will I not just be wishing the day away so I can close my laptop, switch off my phone and be mummy rather than an account manager? 

I guess I don't know. In one respect I need to teach myself to tear myself away from Daisy and work is going to force that on me even if I don't feel ready to. But I don't want to, I don't want to have to leave her. But it's in all of our interests to some extent that I do. Hopefully in my new job it won't mean all week away from her but days here and there and I'll be around to pick her up from nursery etc when she is in. 

In one respect it will be nice to have a little me time, driving to my interview the other week made me realise this. I was all emotional leaving her and had a little weep but after an hour I relaxed. I enjoyed listening to the radio or my music and having my own thoughts. Also wearing clothes that I don't need to consider to be feeding friendly will also be an added benefit. And the money of course will also be nice. A little more adult conversation too. But that's about it! 

Any tips on how I can make it feel less stressful and lessen the anxiety?!

Lots of love,
Hayley xxx


  1. No tips, but I know you will do amazingly in your new job. Try to focus on what it gives you - that adult conversation, time away from 'being mum' and not what you're missing out on. You will have good days and bad days, I'm sure but you are doing what's best for your family. Remember that. Best of luck, Hayley. :)

    Jenna at Tinyfootsteps xxx

  2. I'm afraid I don't have any tips either... but I'm wishing you lots of luck!

    Saskia http://www.songssillinessandsuch.co.uk xx

    Ps. love your new blog look.

    1. Oh thnk you, I'm still not 100% convinced on it! Xx

  3. I feel your pain! I hated leaving Osian, it was horrible but it does get easier over time. Just think of all the reasons your doing it and you'll get through it :) Good luck for two weeks time! xxx

  4. Ooh good luck lovely, I feel your sadness; I'm torn between work and home but I know work would be most beneficial in the grand scheme of things. It's a new adventure so embrace it, you'll certainly make your Daisy time all the more special (if that's even possible!)

    1. That's what I hope, we are having a mummy Wednesday each week so I'm sure I won't let those days go to waste! Are you toying with going back to work? Or going to continue writing freelance? Xx