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Dear Daisy, It is your first day at school...

I've been kind of busy...

I know you'll have read posts like this before and heard it all before from other people. But what's the harm in saying it or hearing it again if it's the truth?

Sometimes I think of you, I feel sad that things aren't like they once were. That I don't talk to you every day about well, nothing. Like we used to. That I can't just "nip" to see you and that well I've not seen much of you at all this past year or two. That I've not made plans with you, because I know all too well that they're likely to get broken and well I'm sorry too because things have just changed. 

I'm a mum to young children, babies in my eyes and over the last two and half years I've either been knee deep in cuddles, tears, weaning, sleep regressions, nightmares, tantrums, breastfeeding and pregnancy. And well we all know I'm no pro at that either, sicky Lil. 9-10 months of feeling like total rubbish can make anyone turn into a hermit. 

I can't turn all of my attention to you these days because you've had a bad day or spend hours thinking about you, although never think that I don't think about you at all because I do. But because I have mini humans that depend on me, that need me and well can't function without my love and direction I just don't have the capacity in my head to think about much for long. I have a responsibility to them and I know you'll understand that. 

Sometimes people need more from you that you'll ever be able to give and even if you think you can give it sometimes you have to just admit that you can't in the end. There will be people that this doesn't sit well with and that that can't see this for what it is, just the usual demands of life and sadly they will come and go. 

I've come to realise this and it does leave me with a sadness but I can't fix everyone and I can't be everything that everyone needs. I won't lie there have been situations over the past few years that I have a sense of guilt over (ah the mum guilt!), regret or more so sadness and maybe there are situations that I feel need closing or resolving but for now I need to try and rock this mum thing and hopefully anyone who truly cares about me (or you, I'm not talking about anything specific here!) will still be there understanding they may not be front of the que at the moment but are happy to stand at the sidelines for that time you do get to drink cuppas, gin or eat cake and gossip. 

I'm talking generally and hopefully others feel the same in some small way or another. I like to write personal posts and maybe this isn't written perfectly but it's something I wanted to put out there as it's been on my mind recently.  

Hayley xxx

1 comment

  1. It is very true being a mummy is a full time job and sometimes other relationships fall to the wayside. I like to remember that the people who are in my life are meant to be here and that always takes the guilt away for me xx