When things aren't as you would expect...

I've not really spoken about this before on my blog or much in day to day conversation either. I'm not entirely sure why but I do think it's because we needed time to come to terms with things and get our heads around it privately. But now Daisy is here it's something Ben and I feel should be spoken about even if to help just one person in the future, make you more aware, or just to record our journey. 



I mentioned at our 16 week gender scan it was discovered there was a complication with baby but I said no more. I couldn't find the words and I didn't feel it necessary actually to tell anyone except those closest to us. But the truth is they couldn't see a right hand. As you can imagine our worlds crashed down and the next few minutes, hours and days were impossible. I felt sick, couldn't sleep and just cried wondering why us? Thinking of all the reasons why it could happen to our baby. I had no answers though. 

If I'm honest I still wonder this sometimes but I've learnt if these things are going to happen they do and that's just how life is. We just have to learn to adapt and deal with these things. 

We saw the obstetrician a day or so later after the 4d scan for a detailed ultrasound investigation and consultation. He confirmed there was abnormality to the hand, she possibly had something there but to what extent was unclear. We had scans fairly often after that, more to observe the development of everything else than to review her hand, so we knew it was isolated and there appeared nothing else wrong. Her growth was good and on track and her movement was what they would hope, lively! 

Adjusting to the thought was difficult, especially as even though we had scans we still didn't know exactly what to expect when she arrived. If I'm honest I was terrified of meeting her, excited obviously as I knew she would be my little girl but none the less I was frightened of how I would find it when she arrived. I needn't have worried, the minute she was put on my chest it was all irrelevant. She was absolutely perfect!! And the most gorgeous girl I had ever seen! 

It turns out she has a wrist which appears to have movement in and the start of what I can only describe as a tiny palm with what could be a thumb one day. We hope it's enough for her to be able to learn to grip things with but we will only see how she can use it as she develops.


We are now under the care of the team at Birmingham children's hospital and had our first appointment yesterday there with a hand surgeon. It was a positive meeting where we were told there won't be much if anything that daisy won't be able to do. We will have help in her development with teaching her how to use both hands and be given any adaptations we may need, for example if she was to need an adapted grip for her bike when she's at that stage. They also mentioned prosthetics and surgery but for the future and not something we would want to look at now anyway. 

It's amazing when you start to look these things up such as congenital deformities or transverse arrest (which is what they have said Daisy has) how many people are so inspirational out there, athletes that spring to mind such as Sarah Storey really help you to look at these situations positively! I mean check out what Sarah has done with her supposed disibility! Gold medal winner not only in swimming but also cycling! And also in able bodied championships as well as Paralympic! Incredible!

When pregnant you have the usual worries of the more common concerns such as Down's syndrome because you are tested for them and they are more publicly talked about, you never in a million years would think about something like your babies hand not developing as it normally would. And there being no explanation for why. Learning anything is not as expected with your child is heartbreaking, it's only natural to want everything to be perfect! But then on the other side she has her health and is a bouncy baby girl! And nothing is more important than that and the love she will receive, which is more than a lot of babies have around the world. 


Lots of love,
Hayley xxx

14 comments

  1. Such a brave post and thank you for sharing your story. Daisy looks like such a happy and contented little baby. I doubt anything will stop her from achieving great things in the future. She is truly loved. xx

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  2. You're right hayley - she is this most beautiful little thing! Amazing post babe - written brilliantly as always. Lots of love xxx

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    1. Thank you Charlotte :) hopefully see you soon xx

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  3. This brought a tear to my eye... Daisy is such a lucky girl to have such wonderful parents. She is also healthy, happy, loved and BEAUTIFUL, and what could be more perfect than that? She is just perfection Hayley. Loads of love xxxx

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    1. Thank you Holly :)

      She is very beautiful xxx

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  4. Firstly, she is absolutely gorgeous. Congratulations! :-)
    Secondly, this wee button is going to be one those inspirational people too (I bet she already inspires you daily?) She sounds like she has a great group of people around to love and support her. That's all anyone can ask for and it's all a person needs to blossom.
    Brilliant, brave post. Thank you for sharing. xx

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    1. Thank you for your lovely comment and support xx

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  5. Thank you for sharing. I used to work with a girl who was born with an arm much like Daisy's. She is the most amazing example I have ever seen of not letting something like this get in your way. She is from a working class family yet qualified as a barrister (!! I know!!!).
    Also one of the biggest flirts and one of the sassiest girls I have ever met.
    Daisy is an absolute beauty, I'm sure nothing in the world will stop her from achieving anything she wants.
    Big hugs to you and Daisy, she is lucky to have you xx

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  6. Thank you for sharing this lovely post, I can only imagine how hard finding out this was and all the worry that probably came with it until the day she was born. You are so right though, love is what she needs most and it sounds like she will get all the love she deserves! Your little girl is beautiful and she will probably grow up to be an inspiration to others xx

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    1. Thank you, she is such a happy little lady :) xx

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  7. Your daughter is beautiful! Thank you for your courage to share such an honest post!

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    1. It helped to share and the support we've had has been amazing xxxx

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